Just be there…

I’m reading some really meaningful, insightful, humorous , and heartfelt&heartbreaking blogs from cancer patients, some are survivors and some are no longer with us. I have experience when my beautiful sister died of metastatic cancer from unknown origin. It was a three month “journey ” from diagnosis to her death.

And the doctors never came out and told her that she wasn’t long for this world. She had numerous “uptakes” on her bone scan. There was a black “swimming cap” on her skull. It had went down her spine , to the clavicles, to ribs on both sides, to her wrists, to her pelvis, and down both femur bones, kind of tapering off above the news. ย Point is, I’m not a doctor, but I knew that she was definitely not going to live long. But, I hoped for around six months.

Once I heard she had cancer, I was there every day. And if I had to miss a day, I called and spoke with her. And I did not give her false hope or say God will get you through this. I was just THERE. We listened to music, watched “the walking dead.” Sat outside in the sun. Had a bonfire or two. ย 3 or four of us were always at her side. Sometimes they couldn’t fit all of us in the consultation rooms on doctor visits or radiation treatments. And when she began to realize she was dying, then we could cry about, rant and rave, discuss her fears of dying, her fears of how we, her family, were ย going to deal with her death, and most of all, how she couldn’t bear to leave US. It will have been 3 years, January 18. Seems like yesterday, but I’m slowly realizing that is forever. I know I’ll always feel pain and I’ll always feel happy with memories of our life together. Her essence still lives within all of us.

And I’m glad that, for the most, ย most of her friends came by to visit her. I understand it’s hard sometimes to go visit a friend that has cancer. But, if you care, if you want to help, do it. Go buy a gift for visit, maybe flowers, doughnut, chocolate,and Any little treat or trinket, a memento, old pictures, and don’t leave the little ones at home. I remember how she glowed with love when her grandchildren or grandnieces &nephews came. That house was always full of family and friends. And in the end days, we adjusted the visits to fewer at a time , cause it was too much on her. And we all would share our shifts, so that at least one of us was with her 24/7.

So, my point is, if you have ย a loved one or a close friend, just be there for them. And be sure and read some of the well meaning ย comments that are so useless and sometimes upsetting. Just go with the flow and “make memories.” It is a kind of “purgatory ” living with one foot in life and one in death. But, we all have to walk it someday and although we’re surrounded by loved ones , we are essentially alone in the final moments. So be sure you’re talking if pleasant memories, low lighting, and their music playing softly in the background. ย Tell them you love them hold their hand, and even lie beside them if possible. ย Acknowledge their feelings and allow them to be sad. And when they’re really grouchy and snap at everyone and everything. Back off…and when things are better , don’t be afraid to admonish them gently and say that it’s ok to feel all those bad things, and to let us know when it’s “stormy” weather, and everyone will give them some space. But, remind them, that we adults know she doesn’t really mean to snap, and we can forget and forgive, but not so much for the young ones. And just let that fact sink in. That’s my opinion, I may be wrong.

I now have Non small cell lung cancer with some brain mets, 2 pea sized. And so now, I went from “early lung cancer” to stage IV lung cancer. And I’m educating my family on how NOT to tell me “”be positive!” About what, I say! And then I explain how I know they love โค๏ธ me, but I really don’t feel like being positive right now. ย Ok I’m done. Off my soap box.

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Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?

Well, the bad news is you have NON SMALL CELL LUNG CANCER, squamous cell…

the good news is we can probably take out half of your left lung, you might have to have chemo, you’re going to have a diminished lung capacity, (as if you don’t already for a 68 yr old) and then after 2-3 months of healing and therapy you’ll be tottering around, not quite as good as new. Oh, and you need to be aware that you could very easily, and 50%likely to have cancer pop up somewhere within 5 years.

So, door ๐Ÿšช 1,2,or 3? How we gonna make lemonade out of these ๐Ÿ‹?

CANCER ย  ย DIAGNOSIS CANCER TREATMENT PROGNOSIS SURGERY CHEMO RADIATION

IS IT UNBELIEVABLE? Unbearable? Incurable?

first of all, you gotta accept it. No,’I mean it. You hear that diagnosis and you don’t REALLY hear it. ย What? You talking to me!??

And then you start filling out your medical history, start with the IVs, and getting lost trying to find where you’re supposed to be.

And then you wait and walk and you wait…

but, I love โค๏ธ those warm blankets…

i love the aquariums โค๏ธ…

and the staff are the most sweetest, dedicated people you’d ever want to encounter…โค๏ธ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ

The cafe has very good food…

they even have Starbucks….

and I hear they will fix your hair for free!(if you have any left) or you can choose a wig? I’m not really believing they’re giving out free wigs, but, who knows!?

So, bad news is you have cancer and may not live more than 5 years…

Good news is, you get a lot of special treatment and a super nice environment…

and that, my friends, is the rest of the storyโ€ผ

Oh yeah, MD Anderson is above par excellence, so for you future nonbeliever cancer victims, don’t go to the local mechanic , go straight to the BIG DEALERSHIP where they KNOW their CANCER.

 

 

 

 

It is what it is…

I want to talk about my generation, the 60’s. No, not THE 60’s, but the “over the hill gang.” I finally realized that I’m no longer in the “driver’s seat, nor the passenger /navigator position , and I can’t even lay claim to the “backseat driver!” Yes, it’s true. I have been relegated to the THIRD row seat! And that means, I’m relatively harmless way, way in the back. Where I ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿต am not giving out my “well-worn” advice or “lecture #368963,” and I’m not disrupting the peace by stirring up the “chillen.” (Somehow I’m always to blame, yet Innocent…) I hope you realize, that I’m not really griping about this situation, but, merely stating, “the facts, Ma’am, just the facts.” Dragnet. I thought he was so sexy!And I do tend to digress, sometimes…anyhoo,(don’t you hate when people use, “anyhoo”? Getting back to the “third wheel,” I have to admit that I am now very accepting of my place in the car.  I find that I can relax and read, blog, Facebook , or play my games. And, yet, I am still treated with respect and love, and any request or need is always taken care of by my children. In fact, they treat me like a queen. 

Here’s the “bottom line,” Golden Pond, Henry Fonda. The above blog is really a metaphor of this stage in my life. As I said above, I’m no longer the “main event.” But, rather, I’m sitting in the balcony with season tickets and VIP treatment. Oh, did I mention that I can thoroughly enjoy and explore any programs  avenues. In other words, and I’m full of words(or BS), I have had an epiphany about my life, my age (67),and my self image. And the big “no brained” is that I need to just sit, relax, and enjoy the ride”!

If I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s the fact that it s human nature to never be satisfied. Even if we’re relatively happy, deep inside there is a desire for “something.” Let me give some examples. At ten I couldn’t wait to be 16 and at 16 I want to be 18. And I remember never being happy with my body or looks. I wanted to be an ash blonde with green eyes. I always thought I was “fat.” At 38yrs, 5’4″, and 140lb,I considered myself overweight. Go Figure!!!now I weigh 40lbs more, and I realize that I didn’t have a big problem. Another example I think we can admit to, is raising our children and thinking,”Calgon take me away,” sounded pretty darn good. And also feeling unappreciated and frustrated by the kids, washing, school, cooking, chauffeuring, PTA, and class parties. And, now, I look back on that time in my life as “the best of times.” Maybe that is one of the many reasons we love our grandchildren so much. We realize how hard it is to really relax and enjoy being a parent, because it’s a very busy and trying time . And when you are the one who’s responsible for protecting and guiding your children to a better life than you had, it’s very difficult to take a step back and “see the forest for the trees.” But, we did it! And we did the best we could do. And sometimes, maybe we were lacking and other times we were pretty darn good, almost miracle workers! 

So, my message here (hope you’re still with me)is that you don’t always realize how good your life really is. And I for one have been guilty of that for awhile now. Well, no more! I’ve decided to follow some wise advice. Be happy with who you are and where you are in life. Instead of looking back and mourning for days gone by and wishing you could do now, what you did then, STOP, LOOK, and ROLL!!! Appreciate what you have .” Accent the positive,eliminate the negative” get out of your “memoirs stage” and back in the groove! Explore all the advantages of being our age. Take care of yourself by exercising and eating healthy . Get out and get involved! Be the beautiful person you’ve always been. And let your light shine!!! I’m done .๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐ŸŒนโšœ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜amen

Don’t Bring Me Down ๐Ÿ˜”โ˜น๏ธ

  • The Beatles sang this song back in “the good ole days.” Well, I don’t need anyone to bring me down…cause I’m one of those people that has periodic spells that descend on me, covering me with feelings of sadness and loneliness. Some would say,”Snap out of it! WHY are you sad? You’re just wanting attention! You have nothing to be sad about!”  Sound familiar? Well, if you’re one of “normal” people who haven’t a clue about depression, then you’re lucky. All my life I’ve either been UP or Down! No neutral position for me…I’m like an hourglass, one day I’m great, next week I’ll be sinking like
  • A stone. And the “dark clouds ” just have to disapate in time, usually I’ll feel better the next day or two. Why am I’m writing this sad, maudlin stuff? Well, my intentions are to create a bridge of understanding between ๐Ÿ˜” and๐Ÿ˜˜. 
  •      First of all, and foremost, you can’t do a darn thing about someone who’s feeling down,and tell you just “because ” or “I don’t know.” Or Nothing…. End result, they feel guilty and you feel frustrated and angry. 
  •     Well, the solution is in listening, just being there, and acceptance. You don’t tell us, “you have nothing to be sad about! What’s wrong with you! You have a wonderful life! You’re hopeless!” Rather, allow us space and you acknowledge us and our feelings. And then you go busy yourselfgoing on about your business. You might just say “I’m sorry you’re down, and I’m here for you. ” I’m not saying ignore, but just back off, give us our space, and we’ll eventually come around. Edit
  •      Let us play our sad songs, read, and be a “potato .”  We have to navigate our way back by recognizing,”I’m having a bad day, but if I can just go through “the motions,” tomorrow will be a better day.” 
  •      “Sunshine  on my shoulders makes me happy,”and it does! Exercise, swimming, walking,bicycling, or yoga might be helpful. Gardening is especially good for the soul! Helping others who are worse off than you can do wonders. Coloring, painting, sewing ,or doing chores will keep you on a steady path back to “happiness.”
  •      All I can say, about being depressed, is that I think it affects those of us who love so deeply and feel joy so great, that we get a little scared of what’s passed and what may come next. It’s knowing how much you have and how easily it could be taken from you I’m an instance! 
  •       I’m signing out. Please, feel free to give your opinions and share your experiences! Over and out. Abby๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐ŸŒนโšœ๐Ÿ˜˜

We can Work it Out

I go do yoga, walk, weight training machines, and swim at least twice a week. And, make no mistake, I thoroughly enjoy it. I feel betterand move better. And I gain a well-being, optimistic state of mind. Now, some days , I have to admit, I’m dragging my butt up the stairs for yoga. And when something comes up and I can’t go, I secretly think, Yay, I’m off the hook, I get to rest! It’s human nature to want to just do nothing!

     Well, today I Really had my “comeuppance.” There I was, walking briskly as I could, using my arms and after a while, I noticed this little, thin white haired lady. She was walking around the track with a walking cane with feet. And she was keeping the rail next to her left, for extra safety. Anyhow after a couple of rounds, my three to her one, I thought I wanted to commend her on her dedication persistence. So, I took out my earphones and told her, “Good morning. You’re doing a great job!” She replies,”Well, my doctors tell me I need to keep walking. I’m 85 and I need to keep walking.”  I respond,”Well, keep it up! That’s so true. We all need to keep walking!” 

As I continued my walking, I was profoundly touched. I mean, here I am ,67 yrs, and I’m griping and moaning, looking for excuses to skip now and then…and I watch her moving her feet one foot, then the other, slowly, faltering, but steady as the ticking of a clock . Not as fast as a clock, but just as reliable as an old pocket watch. My heart is full of love, compassion, and gratefulness. Love for a strong woman, compassion for her dauntless task, and gratefulness that I decided to say a few words of encouragement to a fellow “worker outer” and ended up being a boomerang that inspired me! I thought, “if she can do it, I have no excuses!” I pray that I will be as happy and determined to stay moving (when and if) I reach her age. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐ŸŒน๐ŸŽฉhats  off to a beautiful soul!!!! And may we all be inspired to “Move it, Move it!” (Madagascar film)๐ŸŽฏRight on target! ๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿพ๐Ÿšต๐Ÿป๐ŸŠ๐Ÿผโ›น๐Ÿปโค๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโšœโšœโšœโšœโšœ๐Ÿ•๐Ÿ•‘๐Ÿ•“๐Ÿ•™๐Ÿ••๐Ÿ•–๐Ÿ•—๐Ÿ•๐Ÿ•™๐Ÿ•š๐Ÿ•›

Life on a Merry-go-round

Sometimes it seems as if I’m on a merry- go-round…๐ŸŽ  

     Okay! I think I’ve found the perfect subject…losing weight, exercising, and getting healthy! Reinvent myself and my habits to reach a healthy weight. 

It all started last Friday . I was in a dr office and across the room was this poster that proclaimed all the good reasons and benefits of gastric surgery. Lose weight, walk lighter, lessen your asthma and shortness of breath, lower blood sugar, improve sleep , and lower high blood pressure. WOW!! And all you need is this one simple procedure that will make all those issues better. So, I decided ,right then and there, that’s it, I’m gonna DO this! I grabbed the brochure and soon Began navigating the web. I always research every aspect in order to make a fully informed decision. EKzkkmrmmxrmxrmx

The SandBetween My Toes

I’ve loved the beach since I was in my mothers belly! It’s just like Cajun music, I heard a lot of it while my momlived in Louisiana. What’s not to love? The waves creeping in and flowing back out, always to be depended on. And the way your feet sink into the wet sand. Oh yeah, what about all the digging and burying going on? Fantastic!!! Always go to the beach and feel the breeze and get your feet wet. And the most amazing and enjoyable pastime is watching your children discover all these secrets of the beach that only the “young at heart and dreamers” can appreciate.

Thank you, God. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐ŸŒน๐Ÿ˜˜

Well, it’s not exactly a story…it’s a communication site. I share my experiences, thoughts, and advice. You guys tell me what we need that we don’t already have. Truth and honesty. Love and hate. “Old dogs, children, and watermelon wine.

Im a 67 yr woman. Use to be a child, teenage drama queen, married, divorced, married now 28 years. Retired school teacher. Hobbies are reading, GSN games, bingo fanatic , horse riding, dogs, sewing, and little and big children. Love traveling, the beach, margaritas.,good friends, hood times , and loved ones.